Because, honestly, when youвЂ™re done with this world, why be coy? Among his pet peeves were some old standbys like canned cranberry sauce (seriously, who enjoys that except people who schedule dental surgery over Thanksgiving break), shorts (knees should be kept to oneself), and cigarette butts in his driveway (just indicative of societal collapse, really). Raymond Brownley of Pittsburgh included in his obituary a handy guide to the things he would absolutely not miss under any circumstances. So much so, in fact, that when New Orleans firefighter William Ziegler passed away in July of 2016, his family suggested in his obituary that Ziegler deliberately drew his final breath just he could avoid having to make a decision in November. No matter which side you were on, you have to admit that the 2016 presidential election was one of the most divisive and contentious runs in history. And as far as we know, thatвЂ™s exactly how it happened.

Heck, he didnвЂ™t even want a funeral - not only is it a waste of money in his opinion, but it would deprive him of one last dad joke groaner: вЂњSo instead of going to see the great Creator, I will be going to see the great cremator.' WhoвЂ™s Gonna Know?ДЄ Fairfield, Connecticut woman stumbled on a profound truth when she penned her jokey obit: Why simply celebrate the life you lived when you can just as easily celebrate a life you wish you had? Is anyone really going to fact check? So the 83-year-old stated that her death was caused by hypothermia, because one of her dogs had eaten her socks and boots while she was climbing Mt. This guy jumped into the afterlife feet first, with zero regrets. A Man Who Knows What He WantsДЄngus MacDonald, a self proclaimed вЂњformer punkвЂќ that the world wonвЂ™t have вЂњto kick around anymoreвЂќ gets right to the point in his obituary. The 60 year-old Pennsylvania man left behind a staggering tale of a man who apparently looked like David Bowie, carried a wallet so thick it required back surgery, and enjoyed the simpler pleasures in life such as вЂњlooking at boobs.вЂќ His name will be spoken in hushed tones forevermore. Years from now, children will gather around the campfire to hear the saga of Elwood вЂњBuddyвЂќ Segeske III. She used her obit to dole out practical advice like вЂњcorrespond with the imprisoned and have lunch with the cognitively challengedвЂќ and вЂњtake magazines youвЂ™ve already read to your doctorвЂ™s office for others to enjoy.вЂќ An Epic Tale

Obituaries can be a way for people to summarize their legacies and leave final parting notes to loved ones - but why not use that space to really help people? ThatвЂ™s what Mary Agnes Mullaney did when the grandmother of 17 passed away in 2013. He even instructed his son to вЂњavenge his deathвЂќ at the hands of the supervillain, Cancer. After succumbing to a three year battle with a brain tumor, AaronвЂ™s self-penned obit was published, in which he revealed himself to have been Spider-Man all this time. Stephen Merrill may have gone down thanks to the justice-doling fist of a comic book legend, but Minneapolis native Aaron Purmort did him one better. A close friend suggested that the cause be listed as вЂњan uppercut from Batman.вЂќ The family agreed thatвЂ™s what Stephen would have wanted, and sent off the most epic final tribute imaginable. When 31 year-old comic book fan Stephen Merrill passed away unexpectedly, his family was left without a definitive cause of death when it came time to submit his obituary. Laughs wrung from behind a veil of tears are the sweetest laughs of all, soВ if you want your obit to be less of a downerВ and more of a rimshot,В why not follow these examples: Holy Headlines! It can list your key accomplishments, give one last symbolic hug to the people most important to you, or.it can be used to shape your legacy with one last symbolic exclamation point. Your obituary is, in many ways, the final word on the story of your life.

Obituary samples